That is NOT a fastball!

You know, everyone has memories from childhood. Those moments at the fair, or that time you got to drive the new family car. My childhood was really nothing to write home about, but I was for the most part a happy kid.

Many of my memories were stored on videocassette, things like graduation, prom, my days at school, plays that I was in, and little stuff like that. For much of my adult life, those tapes have gathered dust at my parents house, or in a storage shed somewhere in between. Recently, my parents have realized that as far as children go, I was going to be the best of the lot. My sister is somewhere in the world, drugged out of her mind, and living it up, without contact from the rest of her family.

When my grandparents health became a concern, my mother realized she had things I should get, because I was the only family member that had a stable life, a house, and she could not find my sister. So I was gifted with a stack of videos and photographs. Of course my father told me I should duplicate the videos and get them back to them as soon as possible, I guess because they need a placeholder for the dirt, dust and grime in their house.

So recently I started going through the tapes, to see what was there. Oh look, my graduation ceremony. My senior and junior proms, or at least me and my date showing up in fancy garb, and my parents making the usual parents lines. Me at the radio station I worked at my senior year. A few play that I was in. I had visions of putting those tapes on DVD and having memories forever.

Until I got to the first tape. There is about 10 minutes of video that appears to have been recorded on super high speed, so that is not usable, but really it was just footage of our family vacation to Las Vegas. Yes that is right folks, some families go to Disney, we went to Vegas, baby. After that first 10 minutes, it was…well, it was a Lifetime movie starring Kate Jackson. I am not kidding here, the next 2 hours was dedicated to a movie. But I went past the movie, and by the way, VCRs kind of suck. I have become used to DVD and chapters, not manually hitting the fast forward button. But I digress, after Kate, we have Unsolved Mysteries. Lovely.

I move on in the tape rotation to what was supposed to be Nolan Ryan’s 300th victory in Milwakee. I rewind the tape to the beginning and hit play. I am greeted by a, well to be honest, it was a dick. No really. Apparently the tape had been recorded at least halfway, by porn. Bad, 80’s porn with a title like hot milk maids of san diego or something. Seriously. I hit the forward button, probably sooner than I needed and harder than I needed, but really, I did not want to venture down the “my parents recorded over some of my favorite childhood memories with bad 80’s porn” nostalgia. Part of the game was still in tact, but now I am not sure if I want to burn that to a dvd. The special place in my heart has been wiped out most effectivly now. Thank you very much.

So I guess I will quit worrying about those tapes while I have some wholesome memories left.