Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I should be sleeping

Sometimes, my mind does not turn off. Or I cram so much crap into it for a test I have to take, that I cannot go back to sleep. Tonight, I studied too much, cannot turn the mind off, and I miss my family.

So here I am, in the the land of bronze tans and boobjobs, but have not seen the sun since I have been here. Today, as I looked through the continous driving rain, I think I spotted mountians in the distance, or maybe I was looking as some evil clouds that happen to be black. Its rains, a lot. All day. And night. The swimming pools are starting to run over. They look so inviting, steaming from the heated water, and yet the stinging rain that drives me back keeps me away. I feel like Forrest Gump.

I have felt isolation like I have right now, only one other time in my life. Bootcamp. I was stuck there, not knowing anyone, overwhelmed stepping from the bus. I knew my family was back home waiting on me to come back, thinking of me often. I would bond with the people I was living with, out of exhaustion, fear, isolation. So I study. I focus on the task at hand. I remind myself that I will excel, and do all of this with flying colors.

Its who I am. Who are you?

Sunday, February 26, 2006


So here I am, in a state on the west coast, getting ready for 2 weeks of training for the day job. I have plush corporate apartment, sharing with one of my coworkers. Its pretty cool for the most part, but would be much better if I had Mrs. Ninjamunkey and the baby munkey here to share the bed with me. Yeah I know, odd. So I decided I would post the first of my west coast blogs, and share what I was writing on the plane. Enjoy, and I will be back tomorrow. Hopefully.

As I write this, I am in the air, apparently going over some “sky roads” that need serious repair. I have been jostled every which way, and it kinda sucks, since I hate flying so much. Its not the taking off, or the landing that bug me, its actually the fact that I am shoved into a seat, crammed in and there are arm rests on either side of me, but apparently I am not to use either one of them.

My dad used to tell me to imagine that I was just one a bus going down a really bumpy road, and it would help with the anxiety I felt. Well its smells like urine in here, so its either because I am so close to the john, or it’s the old woman to my left. Wait, has she breathed in a while?

I was scanning the lobby of the airport trying to figure out who the other Mac heads were, but everyone was writing something on a Mac laptop, so who knows. Will I be the oldest? Will I fit in? shit, I speak geek with the best of them, so hell yeah I am going to fit in.

This flight sucks for the record. I am perched next to the engine,, literally, I look past the person on my right, and I see engine. Does not provide great acoustics for watching a movie. So I am rocking out to some Peter Westerberg and writing. Seems like a fair trade off.

Ah yeah she is still breathing, just took off her hearing aide…

So getting on, I notice that everyone in the earlier rows looks you over, as if you are a potential risk. I know what they are thinking, I do it to. Who am I going to have to overpower if they try to take the plane. My vote is for gramma as the skymarshal. She is deeeeeeeeeep under cover.

I have always heard or read those “dear penthouse, we were on a returning flight, and she began taking off her blouse” type of things. HOW? I am crammed in the seat, cannot feel my ass, and would have to knock out 4 people if I were to sneeze. How does that work? Is it like the hot pizza girl that always gives sexual favors in exchange for the pizza and tip?

So leaving today was uncomfortable, because the baby munkey was screaming “Daddy! I wanna go with you or you stay here!!!!!” for the final 5 minutes with the family. Apparently he was subdued with a promise of the park as they were leaving, but it made me feel bad for a while. Then the questions started.

Sir, have you been in possession of your luggage for the past 24 hours? Do you have any firearms, explosives, knifes or playdoh on your person? Do you have any fruit in your luggage that might make the cargo hold rally stinky? Are those bugle boy jeans you are wearing? How soon is now?

Its fun going through the second security stop on the way to the gate. I actually had this brilliant idea to check in, make sure the gate was correct, and go catch a smoke before the flight, but after having to take my shoes, belt , hat, turn on the laptop camera ipod and show that the thumdrives were actual drives, I did not want to fight with it again, so I waited.

Friday, February 17, 2006

floating around the blogs

Latest trend, a word cloud, courtesy of Ali, Leemer, Bon, Debra, Cubby, Annette

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

I am Jack's guilty conscience

So while sitting around this weekend, we came up with an idea. I was going to do some google work and see if I could find blogs of people that have gone through training, and see if I could find out what to expect when I arrive in California in a few weeks.

1 general theme keeps coming up. If you work for XXX you don't blog about it. Its frowned upon, in fact you can be eliminated for doing so. So below are the rules of XXX.

The first rule of XXX employment, don't talk about Apple employment
The second rule of XXXX employment, don't talk about Apple employment

So sorry, I will not be able to share too much about my career. See me in person if you wnat to know how its going. From this day forward, it is my day job.

Remember the Alamo, with a T shirt

So this weekend we went to San Antonio, Texas for a mini vacation. Along for the ride, we had the baby munkey, Mrs. Ninjamunkey and Grandma (insert nickname here, but I am voting for Cocktail). We stayed at the world famous Menger hotel. Built in 1859, it has hosted people from Babe Ruth to that one guy that killed his girlfriend on the 3rd floor back in the 1930's. Oh yeah, and was designated as one of the most haunted places in Texas. Course, how did it get that title? Was there like a haunt off? Was the menger told that if it could not fufill its duties as the most haunted place in Texas, that some other location would step in?

The Menger is actually across the courtyard from the Alamo. It was actually a fun trip, but I have a few complaints.

1) the Riverwalk is waaaay cool. But seriously. Do I need to walk through a Shopping mall to get to every single part of it?

2) Shit stands. You know what they are. Every 10 feet there is a stand to purchase something you never needed, or did not know you needed until you see it. The San Antonio Zoo was guilty of this. There were small boxes around each corner that had ceramic toucans sitting on the alamo. It was gaudy, and therefore they became "Shit Stands"

3) There is no # 3

4) The Alamo. I can't take pictures, but around each corner someone named "Diablo 98" was able to scrawl his name into the wall with a sharpie? Huh? Fishnets? I just wanted pictures of the inside. I was looking for the damn basement, and I could not find it. But I did find 800 clear boxes containing 1 dollar, each labeled "help the Alamo". And really, I may be jaded, but how am I supposed to belive that the piece of wood in the corner was actually from Daniel Boone's house in Kentucky? It was a stick with a homedepot sku on it. Oh and those really cool buildings that used to house the women and children, or were the funeral pyre locations? You can now get a replica bullwhip, coonskin cap, and bowie knife all for the low low price of 100 dollars. Enjoy, but don't take any photos.

5) Old Hotels. Yes they do in fact have charm. Its cool to think your hanging out in a place frequented by presidents, Oscar Wilde, and socialites. But the downside to old hotels? They do not have room adjustable Air Conditioning. Our room, on the 5th floor, averaged 80-85 degrees the whole time, because the hotel had the heat on. We tried to open the windows, but they were those anti-jumper windows, you know they open about 4 inches. Never has a 3 dollar ice cream sandwich tasted so good.

6) In room movies. While sitting in our sauna of a room, we decided to watch a movie. "Its easy, and for one low price watch a movie that is still in theatres" What they don't tell you is that one low price is 10 bucks, and without a Tivo like device, you cannot pause the movie for potty breaks or drink refills. Not nearly as good as being at home. But we did watch Jarhead. The book is better.

We had some fun. We were nagged by Gramma Cocktail a lot, because she did not think we would be walking so much, and would take cabs I guess. The riverwalk would be hard to navigate in a taxi, from what I can tell. Most everything there was closed. Apparently year round fun starts in mid march. Figure that statement out.