Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Great Snack!

Since it has really been a while since I have posted anything of merit, wait, I have never posted anything of merit, but that is beside the point, I thought I would sit down and type out some of the things that I have been trying to remember to share to the rest of my blog readers. (official record for the longest run on pointless waste of time sentence) These are in no particular order, but just randomness that has come and gone in the past few…

I hate it when someone emails me something work related, and CC’s my boss, or his boss. I guess they really believe that if all those names are on there, I will move faster. What they don’t realize is that when I get those emails, I tend to move them to a folder titled “junk mail” and then mark them as unread. That way when the boss or his boss comes to find out why I have not handled the email actions required, I make sure they see me find the email in the junk folder, and say “golly, we really need someone around here that can work on exchange and filtering correctly”. That seems to get their mind off the need to install that printer, especially if they run to their own desks to look for junk mail that might have been valid. With that, I usually buy myself another few hours before the printer gets installed, on my schedule. A little IT trick for you out there.

Why do people pray to Jesus about everything? I mean, we have a guy here, who is probably about 35-40, and is very devout. He likes to have prayer before everything he does. “Dear lord, let me get this fork lift in gear and move those cartons without getting injured”: “Dear lord, Please let the coke machine have more mountain dew, and please let me have correct change” I don’t get it. I thought he was joking at first, and chuckled, and he was offended. That is when I do the patented Ninjamunkey blank look at the ceiling. Ask Mrs. Ninjamunkey, she has seen it once or twice.

This happened to a coworker this morning. Time due in, 6:00am. At 7:55am, my boss calls his cell phone. “Hey man, just wondering where you are” His answer? “Oh I am out on the shop floor at (building location)” Boss: “Huh that’s funny, I have been here since 6 waiting on you, and have yet to see you, get here, now!” See folks, he could have told the truth, that his cat ate his carkeys, or that his tires all went flat at the same time, or in cases where I have gotten that call answered it like this “ Hey boss! Where are you?” Always answer a question like that with a question like that. Got it? Good.

Bumperstickers viewed on the highway of life this week:
“Marriage is the #1 cause of Divorce”- I’d be willing to wager this sticker is #2
“Don’t laugh it’s paid for”-I can also wager you had to finance this sticker too, huh?
“In case of rapture, this car will be empty”-That bad Blondie song? I would leave the car too.
“I love my labradoodle”-thank god someone does, those things are more hideous than the 3 assed monkey!

And again witnessed one of my favorite unintentional jokes. A car marked with shoe polish, FOR SALE-RUNS GOOD broken down on the side of the highway.

That is all for now, gotta get back in there and bounce some emails around. Have fun, stay young, and stop itching it unless you want it to spread.

Monday, November 28, 2005


So trying to catch up for my extended absense from the blog is going to be tough. I have done so much, yet have so little to report. I will attempt to catch up soon with everything, but in quick hit style to be revisited soon...

1) My wife's family seems to have dual opinions of me. I am great, wonderful and super, but some feel that I don't have enough of a future, and will not be able to provide for my family. It is quite hard to resist saying, "unlike so many of you, if I had to start over, I am smart enough to figure it out" Its not like the IT industry is going the way of Betamax. Geez...

2) Alcohol makes every holiday gathering so much easier to tolorate. Just ask me, and that big bottle of Crown I put a major dent into.

3) Work is work, but the future employment options of Mr. Ninjamunkie are looking so much better. Just need to stay focused on the task at hand, and know that somewhere over the rainbow, things are brighter. Hopefully.

4) Never eat chinese food that is described as "strips of beef, deep fried, and covered in a spicy sauce" In fact, ignore anything that is deep fried beef. "you know my T-Bone is good, but if I deep fried it in batter...mmmm boy"

That is about all I have time for now, but I promise to come back as soon as possible.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


As I attempt to wake up on a chilly Wednesday....

First of all, is anyone else frightened by the fact that I am trying to wake up, only to already be at work, about 35 miles from home? This scares me daily. Not that I think I cannot drive half asleep, as I have most of my working life, but because I see things on the return trip home that I did not notice on the way out that morning. For instance, last night, I noticed a set of buildings that seemingly had been tossed up over night. I know construction is fast, but not that fast. So I probably drove past them in the dark yesterday morning, but was too groggy to notice them. Frightening.

The groggyness is not that hard to understand really, I worked 16 hours on monday, and was back a few hours later for another 12 hour shift. My company is really worried about having to pay for over time, so they keep coming up and asking how many hours I have. Hey dumbasses, you made me work 28 hours in 2 days, so you do the math, I doubt i will work that schedule posted of 12 hours for the next 5 days, but who knows, time may stop

I have yet another job interview this morning, around 11. So if anyone is reading this that I work with, yes, I really have a doctors appointment, and I dress up for him as much as possible...makes the diagnosis a little easier to take. Not that I think anyone I work with is reading this, mainly because I don't talk to anyone I work with. Sure I answer tech questions, and there have been those awkward moments at the coffee maker on Monday where someone one will make a passing "good weekend?" but really, I don't have a social life at work. It's really not my choosing. They tend to gather and go to lunch together (the rest of the techs) and I usually get elected to hold down the fort. Does it bother me? Well, I dunno, you hiring?

We have assistance from home office in this week, and home office is in Flint, Michigan. I love hearing them laugh at the people who are coming in saying, "wow its really chilly out there" and the response from the "Michiginians" is always "Ha, this is nothing" Hey folks, a moment? Its 35 degrees. I dont care where you are, that is considered chilly. If you want to scoff at our weather and make fun of us for wearing long sleeves and light jackets, GO HOME. I dont need your crap. Also, I am not impressed with you wearing short sleeves. That does not shock me, what does shock me is that you can get out of bed each morning, and still make it to work, because I figure your brains turn off each night, considering the vast amount of computer skills you seem to loose each day. Have a glass of STFU on me.

Whew, glad that is out of my system. That could have been dangerous, yelling at some director later in the day.

I know I have said I did not want to post work centric posts here, just because there are only so many ways of saying "work sucks" and still be original. Plus, I hate whining and moaning about things I have when there are people still looking for jobs. So This is out of my system now, and I can go on observing life, and coming back here to poke fun at it.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Chicken Ess...

Two posts, no waiting....

I wanted to touch on something i witnessed first hand yesterday that really took me for a loop.

The company I work for is not bad. They like to pay well, thier full time people from other locations seem to be happy. Locally, its like watching a car wreck in slow motion, only to realize you are watching from outside your own body. I have a manager that lacks tact, management skills, and is usually pretty clueless. I am my normal sarcastic self to him, and he has no clue. He will call me and say things like "Hey, where are you?" only to have me reply with "well hey, where are you?" I answer his questions with questions a lot, and truthfully, it would look horrible on any employee evaluation. I probably shouldn't, but when you put up with crap, and attempts to piss you off, well, you push back.

Yesterday during a staff meeting of the IT brain trust, we were going over a list of projects for the next week. Apparently we have a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it, so we can expect to work a lot of OT. (does that sound like the theme to Smokey and the Bandit to anyone else, or just me?) He looks at my evening counterpart, and says "Bill*, your name is not on the project plan, because we are going to dedicate your evening shifts to cleaning up, and catching the overflow work from the projects". To me, being left off a project plan is a good way to be left off the payroll, but we carried on. Bill* made suggestions for training classes coming up, and was involved with the meeting.

Shortly after the meeting broke up, I went outside to get a tool from my truck, and as I walked out, Bill* was called back into the building by my boss. They went into HR and closed the door.

30 minutes later I got a call from my boss telling me that he had fired Bill* and wanted to tell me before the rumors got around. 40 minutes after telling him that he was going to be working overflow.

To me, the best way to have handled that situation is for him to release Bill* prior to the staff meeting, and then tell the remainder of the staff at the meeting, not paint a silly picture of work to be done. Another thing would to have done the firing prior to the meeting, and then telling us about how hard we are going to have to work, instead of making us think that now, the work will be that much harder because we are short another associate. I guess what I am trying to say, I would have done it differently, and I can almost be sure that 85% of the managers that read this entry, both of you, would have done the same thing.

Man, I need to go mail off some more resumes.

(*notes that Bill is not his real name, in fact it is not even close. It might be considered a psued...psuedo....fake)

The Coolest Kid on the block...

The baby munkey is amazing. He has an intelligence about him that frightens me. He is kinda like Stewie from The Family Guy, without the lasers and Benny Hill references. I have thought this for some time, but yesterday just cemented it for me.

Flu season is coming up, so Mrs. Ninjamunkey set up to have the baby munkey innoculated yesterday. I picked him up from the sitter, and we drove to the doctor's office. He sat in my lap as we waited, pointing out the various characters on posters in the waiting area. We got a lot of "how adorable!" statements from PA's and nurses on staff. Then a young nurse came to get us.

We went back into the treatment area, and the nurse informed me that I would need to hold his hands, as youngsters tend to grab at the needle. I thought it was a bit much, but held on anyway. I whispered to him that it would be over soon, and that he was indeed a big boy. She wiped the area with a alcohol prep wipe, and asked him if he saw the "birdie" on the wall paper. His reply?

"yes, and a Zebra, a tiger, and a elephant, and a monkey, and another bird" Pretty impressive for a 2 year old. She looked a little stunned, and then stuck him with the syringe. His reply to that?

"Ow, Stop it...can I have some candy now?"

No crying, no screaming, nothing like that. It was almost as if he were pinched. There were children leaving the office as we waited that acted as if thier little feet had been crushed by that crazy lady in Misery. Not my boy. He just wanted a sucker.

This kid has recently had a black eye, from running into a table at full speed. He shrugged it off like a prizefighter. I have seen him jump from the couch, do a cannonball into the carpet, and laugh. Then repeat it.

Obviously he has a high tolerance for pain. I think we are raising a 80 year old man that was not reincarnated correctly the first time. Especially when he asks for coffee and a bagel.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Like a pine forest...

“So why haven’t you written more lately?”
That seems to be the question I get, at least have gotten once or twice. It’s not that I don’t want to write, it is more of time restraints, frustration (which actually might be helped by writing) or just a lack of things to write about. I don’t want to be one of those people that blog about nothing. I am not Seinfield, and don’t want to force the funny. I also don’t want to get into the rut I have in the past, with the “man my job sucks, my boss is an idiot, I am getting shafted…”
So my solution? Write about why I have not written in a while. It reminds me of a paper I turned in for 10th grade composition class. I was supposed to write a paper on creative processes. I wrote about the creative process of coming up with a paper on creative processes. I am pretty sure I got a C on that paper.

New music fun games to play when you are bored at work, or in the car stuck in traffic. Everyone one should do this task, and report back.

1) What is your theme song? Is there one song in your playlist, or CD collection, that defines you? That one song that, when it comes on, you can imagine a movie’s opening credits, and this song is playing?

2) If you had to describe your life, or your lack thereof, could you do it with one mix tape? Pick between 5-10 songs, and imagine putting them on a black tape. You would give this tape to someone, and they would immediately know it was “your” tape.

Well that is all I have today. I was going to write about how hard it is to come up with a catchphrase. How your email sig file might have a catch phrase, but its usually stolen from someone else. My favorite? I Got a Rock.

So in closing….I Got a Rock.