Friday, August 05, 2005

Nothing to see here, move along...

I have thoughts running in my head, and no where else to put them down, so they are going here.

Why is it I have such a hard time trusting people? Why do I have an issue with meeting new people, and not thinking they are out to get me? Why is it I feel like I am spending so much time trying to earn respect for things I do, only to find I am not noticed at all? Why am I afraid every conversation, meeting, anything like that is about me? Why do I fear being fired all the time?

Why do I fear loosing the ones I love? Why am I afraid I am never doing enough? Why do I think I am not good enough? Why do I have the constant nagging sensation that something in my life is going horribly wrong, with no way to stop it?

Why are other people I work with not worried about being late? Why is it I am the one covered in sweat, running around trying to get everything done, so someone else can take credit for it? Why can’t I sleep at night for more than 3 hours before waking up in a cold sweat, afraid I have forgotten something important? Why am I afraid that the something is going to cause my world to come crashing down around me?

Why do I fear my son will grow to hate me, and everything I stand for? Why do I feel my shortened stint in the USMC makes me less of a person, patriot, man?

Why do I feel the need to continually complain about every job I have ever had? Why do I do this to my wife, when our time together is limited as it is?

Why do I fear every warning light, knock, ping or shudder is a sure sign I bought a car that is going to fall apart?

Why do I think people are going to read this, and those that know me are going to pat me on the head and move around me like the crazy man in the middle of the street wearing a football helmet?

Why can’t I be anything but fat and lazy?

Why do I have fears that others would see as irrational?

Why did I even bother posting this?


Halfway to Fifty said...

Because you're human.

Leemer said...

Because you are almost 30, Oldie McOldie... It's normal.